Wednesday, October 19, 2011

There I said it!

Boy was putting on this weight a lot more fun then trying to take it off! You would think with all the running around I do chasing my kids, cleaning up after the messes and the over all lack of time to eat that I would be as thin as my pinky! Life doesn't always "work out" that way... yes I agree that was lame and as my daughter would say in as sarcastic as a 5 year old could get voice "ha-ha very funny".

I have been walking 3-4 miles 5 times a week and it seems that I'm not really gaining or for that matter losing anything! Every time I lay in my bed I can see into my walk in closet and I can see the section of my closet that holds my "dream" clothes. Those that my fat BUTT cannot fit into anymore and it's getting extremely frustrating! I also think my husband is getting frustrated with me saying that I don't have anything to wear when I have a full closet. I tell him I cannot fit that stuff and he wants to know why I hang onto it.

I have a fear I guess... that if I donate those clothes that I will be giving myself permission to stay this weight forever. It always feels worse too when I catch a glimpse in the mirror or in a reflection. If my small fiber neuropathy I have in my feet didn't hurt so bad I would run myself thin but even the walks take everything out of me and leave me in pain for the rest of the day. I just cannot take it guys really what do I do?!

I wouldn't mind eating healthier... in fact I have been more and more but it's not happening. And my scale is broken so even if I have lost a few pounds I cannot find out and have no real motivation to continue. I feel like I have all these emotions about it building up and stressing me out which I know isn't good for weight loss either and I just need to get this all out!! Someone help!!! I wasn't expecting to look different overnight but I did expect to at least start noticing a change....

There I said it! ;)>


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