Friday, July 29, 2011

Pre-Weight loss journey: My feelings

On August first I plan on changing my life and they way I have been living it for the last five years. I am over weight and so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and not being able to go shopping and like the way I look. Nothing gives me more anxiety and fear than needing to go clothes shopping. I avoid it at all cost and pretty much have been wearing the same clothes for as long as possible. I do not want sweats to be my main "go to" pants. If you know me personally you are probably sick and tired of hearing how sad I am and how I used to not be this big and blah blah blah.... All I have to say to myself is STOP IT. It's a saying someone close to me has said to me numerous times when I start acting a fool like this. STOP IT!

I will be doing video's on YouTube about my weight loss journey hoping that gives me the motivation to not only do it but stick with it. I will be blogging as well to let you in on my inner most thoughts and feelings about my journey and so that maybe if someone else feels this way they will know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I REPEAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been ashamed of my feelings and how I use food as a way to keep people away from me when all it has done is make me miserable. Let's be honest I want to look good and that is why it's hard to stay motivated but I know my health needs to be a front runner for this journey. I do not want my kids to watch me keep gaining weight and to tell them basically "do what I say not as I do" when it comes to healthy choices with food. The big problem I have is my small fiber neuropathy that causes pain in my feet and make it hard to be able to exercise. With every extra pound I have I know it adds to the pain in my feet as it is very heavy to carry this all around. Guy's I'm scared, I'm scared of failure, of relapsing back into my old habits and that this weight will haunt me for the rest of my life. However I am more scared that I will wake up and realize I've wasted my whole life being miserable. I've already wasted long enough! Please help me guys and lend any support you can and I promise to do the same for you in anyway you need me!

I want to remove this extra weight and be the person I feel like I am inside. I want healthy foods to fill my fridge without going bad or only being eaten by my husband and children. I hope I can use the fear of failure as the adrenalin I need to get through this!